capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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