sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
