I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
