I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
