He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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