I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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