I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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