C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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