i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
