then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
