in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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