I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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