cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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