I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
