if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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