Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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