Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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