will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
3pm strippers are depressing
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
