everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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