I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
