Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
