I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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