woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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