Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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