at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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