it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize