Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
