she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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