Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think my moral compass just broke
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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