you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize