What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
where does the pee come out of this thing
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
