so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
