i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I should be sponsored by Trojan
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
