just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
