So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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