I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
