I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
