you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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