I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
either way he was missing a nipple.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
