I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
