Screwed.edu
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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