ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
