I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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