let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
