I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
