At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize