can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
