I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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