I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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