guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
