i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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