Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
