He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
do herpes really smell.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
