dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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