You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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