my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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