I just cut my nipple shaving
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
