Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
