her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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