Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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