if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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