He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
