I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is my life. Enjoy the view
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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