Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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