I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you will always have a special place in my vag
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
