I think I died a long time ago.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize