I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
