Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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