Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
